


Weep Little Lion Man

by severaance



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Child Death, F/M, Grief & Mourning, Infidelity, M/M, warnings for references to child sexual abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 07:17:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7035403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/severaance/pseuds/severaance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You're not as brave as you were at the start.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Weep Little Lion Man

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warnings for death of a child, child sexual abuse, kidnapping, domestic violence, and infidelity. not a very happy fic.

It's the sound of Savannah thrashing and whimpering that draws Derek out of his own foggy mind. He waits it out for some time, knowing she usually calms herself down for his sake, but tonight is different. Tonight, she jolts awake with a gut wrenching scream, startling Derek enough that he drops his glass. He’s more concerned about the spilt whiskey than anything.

“Another one?” He asks idly from his chair across the room. He doesn't have to look over his shoulder to see Savannah nod. He doesn't ask if she's okay. He doesn't reassure her. He doesn't move an inch.

“I’m taking a shower.” She says. “ _I need to wash away the guilt._ ” She means. Derek doesn't say a word.

* * *

 “Happy birthday, little man!” Derek yells proudly as he tosses Hank in the air before placing him down. He watches as the newly four year old darts over to the picnic table where his mother and family sit proudly with gifts of all shapes and sizes. Hank squeals in delight when Savannah encaptures him in a tight hug, littering his face with wet kisses.

“Momma, stop it!” He squeaks out between giggles, squirming out of her embrace.

Savannah fakes a pout as she says, “Oh, I see. Big boy too old for his momma now? Hm. Fine. Guess I’ll eat this cake all by myself then!” She reaches for the cake, then opens her mouth and makes a gobbling sound that has Hank bursting into giggles.

“No, momma! It's my cake!” He says, batting her hands away. Savannah grins at him, moving to cut the cake.

“You only get a piece if I get a smooch.” She says. Hank contemplates the ultimatum, nibbling on his lip in thought.

“Can daddy get a smooch AND some cake?” Derek says coyly as he saunters over to the table. His mother and sisters laugh wholeheartedly, members of his former team all joining in.

“Sorry, sugar. Looks like there's a new man in your girl’s life.” Penelope jokes with a jab to Derek’s side.

“I think I’ve got just enough room for one more.” Savannah replies. Derek looks at Penelope and lets out a triumphant, “Ha!” before pressing a kiss to Savannah’s lips.

“Mm. Definitely enough room.” She replies when he pulls away.

“Gross!” Hank cries out, causing all the adults to laugh. Jack rolls his eyes, but nine year old Henry backs up the statement with a nod, while little Michael mirrors his brother’s actions.

“Alright, alright. Let’s open presents, bud.” Derek says as he claps his hands together. Hank nods eagerly, grabbing the first box he sees.

“What a boy we got, huh?” Derek comments with Savannah pressed against his side. They watch as Hank tears into present after present, savoring the tender moment with their hands intertwined. 

* * *

Derek’s decision to rejoin the BAU is one everyone saw coming from a mile away. He’s fueled by vengeance and pure, unadulterated rage. He chases down each UNSUB with more ferocity than ever, and no longer blinks when it comes to pulling the trigger. He hasn't had a psych evaluation since Prentiss, but he still remembers how to cheat his way through it.

“Have you ever fantasized about taking the life of another human being?”

 _“Every damn day.”_ He thinks.

“No, ma’am.” He says.

* * *

 “Momma. Potty.” Hank says as he squirms uncomfortably. He tugs on Savannah’s sleeve with a whine, trying to draw her attention away from her conversation with JJ. She barely registers his words as she giggles at a joke JJ cracks.

“One sec, baby. Momma’s busy.” She says without taking her eyes off of JJ. She doesn’t hear the impatient huff Hank lets out, and certainly doesn't see him half run to the small communal bathroom located at the edge of the park.

“We’ve been thinking about having another.” Savannah tells JJ with a smile on her face. It fades a bit as she reveals, “Derek’s not so sure about the fertility situation, though.”

“Oh, one of my girlfriends saw a fertility specialist. He helped her conceive twins. Twins! God, can you imagine?” JJ says, laughing and shaking her head. “I’ll give you his number.”

Savannah agrees wholeheartedly, gladly handing over her phone to JJ who inputs the number.

“Speaking of which.. Let's go see how our boys are doing. There's only so much about football Derek can teach to four year olds.” Savannah and JJ laugh together and link arms, making their way towards the football field. 

* * *

 The suspension isn’t the first, and certainly won't be the last. It just so happens to be the longest.

They were hunting an UNSUB with an MO eerily similar to the faceless, nameless man who haunted Derek every time he closed his eyes. He kidnaps the boys, holds them for two days as he rapes and brutalizes them, then discards them like trash on a deserted hiking path.

Johnny Tifford is - was - six years old. The UNSUB at least had the decency to keep the clothes on his broken and bruised body when he dumped him. He kept Johnny the longest - seven days. The ME said there was so much anal trauma that she wasn't sure how he had survived that long. Derek couldn't stop hearing those words replay in his mind when they finally got ahold of the UNSUB.

He tries to run, like the coward he is. He’s no match for Derek, who’s spent these last few years living at the gym, taking his overflowing rage out on punching bags and machinery. When Derek tackles him, he cries and begs until Derek beats his face in until he’s unrecognizable.

He chokes on his own blood, and never even makes it to the hospital.

* * *

 It only takes a second for Savannah to realize something is off. She watches as Michael and Henry chase down Jack and tackle him to the ground just before he scores a touchdown. The sound of Will’s triumphant whoop warms her heart, a fond smile playing across her lips. Her eyes travel over to Derek, and her back immediately stiffens.

“Where’s Hank?” She asks when she approaches him. His head snaps up at the words and he turns to face her, game completely forgotten.

“I thought you were watching him.”

* * *

 He refuses to look at her the night she climbs into his lap, sobbing and pleading. She frantically palms at the front of his shorts, desperately clutching his shirt as she begs over and over, like a mantra, “Please, fuck me, please, please.” When she kisses him, Derek lets out a growl and flips her onto her stomach. He doesn't even bother taking her panties off, just slides them to the side and tries not to think about how her curves feel underneath his hands.

He pushes in without preamble, grinding his teeth when he hears Savannah’s long, guttural moan. He grips her hips, sure there will be bruises the next day, and thrusts into her mercilessly. The sound of her crying out his name has rage boiling in his stomach, so he pushes her face into the mattress and focuses on the heat around him, forgetting whose body he’s inside.

Derek doesn't bother to reach around to touch her clit, just tries his hardest to get it over with. He angles his hips just right, hitting her G-spot dead on. She’s coming in seconds, chanting, “Yes, yes, I love you!”

He doesn't finish. 

* * *

 “Thank you, officer.” Savannah says robotically to yet another uniformed man, his face getting lost in the sea of all the others. She closes the door behind him, and is soon plunged into a still, thick silence.

Derek won't look at her, though he tries. Lord how he tries.

When she takes his hand in hers, she pretends not to notice how he stiffens under her touch.

“He probably just wandered off.” She says. “They'll find him.”

And they do; just not in the way they ever could've imagined. 

* * *

 The first night Savannah comes home with her hair mussed, smelling like sex and another man’s cologne, Derek doesn't bat an eye. Instead, he becomes reacquainted with the guest bedroom, and tries not to feel guilty that he doesn't feel anything at all.

* * *

 His eyes are wide open when they find him three days later.

A family outing at the lake, a father teaching his son how to fish. Inane curiosity that led to the discovery of something heinous.

Savannah’s knees buckle the moment she hears the doorbell ring and sees the pitiful looks on the responding officer’s faces. She doesn't get passed, “We’re so sorry.” before she’s wailing in complete and utter anguish.

* * *

 Savannah’s pushing her food around on her plate, lip worried between her teeth. Derek focuses on eating the first meal he’s made in what feels like years, so accustomed to ignoring Savannah's presence.

“I’m pregnant.” She says. Derek blinks at his food once, twice, three times before he looks up at her.

“It’s not yours.” She says, voice laced with shame. Derek almost laughs in her face at the redundancy of the statement. Instead, he just purses his lips and nods.

“You tell him?” He asks in a monotonous voice. She shakes her head and goes back to pushing around her food.

“Will you come with me? To the clinic?” She requests. Derek entertains the thought for a split second before he shrugs and rises to his feet with his dirty dish in hand.

“Not my baby. Not my problem.” He tells her.

He’s already up the stairs by the time Savannah breaks down into tears. 

* * *

 They say Hank didn't suffer in his final moments, but when Derek hears the words “apparent signs of sexual assault” his world crumbles in around him.

He pictures his son crying out for him as he endures a pain so horrid that no one should ever know it, and he suddenly understands his mother’s tears.

* * *

 Savannah visits Hank’s grave the day she has the abortion. She can't help but personify the simple bundle of cells, and wonders if it’s in heaven with her baby boy.

How could it be, when God doesn't exist?

* * *

 First comes denial. Then comes anger.

Savannah sleeps on the floor in Hank’s room. Derek clutches his favorite toy to his chest. He breathes in the smell of it and pretends he has his son back in his arms.

Their first fight is expected, but it doesn't make it any easier.

“You were supposed to be watching him!” Derek screams in Savannah’s face. She cowers back against the wall, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“I only looked away for a second!” She feebly tries to defend. That's all it takes - one second.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” She sobs, trying to wrap her arms around Derek, who shoves her away with a scoff.

“You’re sorry? You’re _sorry_?! Our son is dead and you’re fucking _sorry_?!” Derek spits at her.

“It’s not my fault! I didn't mean-”

The sound of Derek’s fist connecting with Savannah’s cheekbone is one neither of them will ever forget.

* * *

 Derek comes home to an empty house, something he’s grown used to over the years. He doesn't wonder where Savannah is, what she’s doing, or who she's doing it with.

If he knows one thing, it's that he doesn't want the answer. 

* * *

“We’re here for you.” They tell him. “I’m sorry for your loss.” They tell him. “He's in a better place.” They tell him.

But sorry doesn't bring his little boy back, and it sure as hell doesn't quell the storm inside of him.

* * *

 Savannah lays the divorce papers on the bed in the guest bedroom the day Derek leaves for a case in Mississippi. She places a pen and her ring beside it, offering no explanation before she’s taking her things and climbing into the car of a man she thinks she loves.

* * *

 Derek tries to tell himself it doesn't mean anything.

It’s the third night he’s spent alone, and by the fourth, he can hear the walls talking to him.

That night, he gives in; he calls Spencer.

* * *

Derek signs the papers without a thought. He won't admit that his hands shake as he slips the papers into the envelope, and he certainly won't admit that he pockets Savannah’s ring.

He sleeps in the master bedroom for the first time in a long time, the ring clutched in his fist.

* * *

 Derek kisses Spencer likes he’s dying. He’s all teeth and tongue, frantic hands and desperate pleas. Spencer tries to be gentle. He tries to take his time, tries to stretch Derek, tries to soothe him, tries to massage his tense muscles, but Derek won't have it. He bounces in Spencer’s lap zealously, his nails digging into the younger man’s flesh, yelling at him, “Don’t stop, please, harder, need it to hurt.” Spencer doesn't let Derek hear his whimper, and never lets him see his tears.

There’s a split second in which a tender moment transpires between the two. Spencer wipes the blood from Derek’s thighs with a warm washcloth, his hands shaking violently as Derek remains pliant and vacant beneath him.

“I’m sorry.” Derek says when Spencer returns from the bathroom and climbs back into bed. He cradles Derek to his chest and doesn't say a word.

* * *

 “Black female. Approximately 47 years of age. No known next of kin. Cause of death: self inflicted exsanguination.”

* * *

 Derek doesn't come to the funeral.

* * *

 “Daddy, higher!” Hank cries out as his father pushes him on the swing. Derek laughs from behind him, giving another strong push.

“You’re gonna fly away from me if you go any higher!” He teases. Hank giggles in response, dragging his feet on the ground to slow down the motion.

“Don't worry, daddy,” he says, “I won't ever leave you.”


End file.
